Who Are You If You’re Not Doing This? The Identity Question Hiding Underneath a Career Change

Recently, I wrote about the challenges of admitting dissatisfaction in a career or job, especially for high achievers.

By the time the mid-career professionals I work with arrive at our first meeting (a "Get to Know You' session), that situation feels heavy.

When I ask, “Tell me about yourself,” they tell me what they do.

“I’m a director of marketing.”

“I’m senior counsel.”

“I’m a VP in cybersecurity.”

“I’m a physician.”

“I’m a professor.”

"I'm a director of consumer insights"

"I'm a ________."

They worked hard, they earned roles, built expertise, and became the person people relied on to solve a particular set of problems.

That was a source of pride.

Until now.

And that's what can make change surprisingly hard.

Identity can become attached to a career, a role, or to a future you once imagined for yourself. So when you begin thinking about leaving, the question is usually, "What do I want to do next?" And then ...crickets, circular thinking, spinning, even avoidance.

That's because there's a bigger question underneath.

"Who will I be if I'm no longer this?"

Even after a layoff, when leaving wasn't your choice, you may find yourself grieving more than a paycheck or position. You're letting go of a role that had become part of how you understood yourself.

Sometimes the identity isn't attached to the job you have now, but to the dream you started with. Maybe you always thought you'd become a physician, actor, attorney, professor, entrepreneur, or something else. You built your life around that future.

Somewhere along the way, the dream changed. Your identity didn't get the memo

I know this experience.

Starting at age 7, I trained for a professional dance career. Ballet was more than something I loved. It was an identity I crafted. Every decision, hour of training, pointe shoe blister, every message from my teachers, and every sacrifice further solidified that identity.

When I decided to leave, I had to untangle who I was from what I did. Oof.

At the time, it felt like a death.

And it was one of the most important transitions of my life. Eventually, I realized I hadn't lost everything I'd built. I'd been carrying it with me all along! The discipline. Creativity. Resilience. Empathy. Ability to deliver, to carry responsibility, to collaborate. The ability to teach and help others grow.

None of those qualities belonged exclusively to dance performance. They belonged to me.

Your title describes where you've applied your talents. It doesn't define the talents themselves.

Abilities can travel. Mine did, my clients' do; so can yours.

Sometimes the work of career transition is about separating who you are from what you've been doing, so you can see what else is possible.

Judy Garfinkel helps you clarify "what's next." Her expertise in building confidence and resilience supports the development needed to navigate career and job transitions, especially now! She is a PCC-credentialed coach and certified as a Trauma-Informed, Whole Person, and Life Purpose & Career Coach. Judy crafts bespoke resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, and bios that open doors for her clients. And...her career onstage gives her unique tools to help you shine in interviews.

More...Judy is President Emerita of the International Coaching Federation - Connecticut Chapter, where she led a 10-person board and 250+ member coaches, and is currently a member of the Culture & Belonging Committee. When she's not coaching, Judy is reading or dancing. (If only there were a way to do both simultaneously!)