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Why Not Ask?

Updated: Jul 16, 2020

A closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

Am I the only person who hasn’t heard this saying before? I looked it up and it’s apparently an old one, new to me.


I love it. Here’s why.

Asking can feel hard.

It makes us vulnerable. We might get rejected – called weak, selfish, demanding, annoying, presumptuous or greedy. We worry this is what others will think this of us, so we think it first, and then shut our mouths. In coaching language, that’s called “self-limiting mindset.” But more than it being a thing we know about – it’s a denial of you, of the natural forward motion your life needs to take.

Of course the answer is automatically “no” if you don’t even ask, but logic rarely has anything to do with what blocks us from asking for the very things that can move us closer to our true selves – to reaching goals that we know will give meaning to our lives. If you've tried to set goals or have avoided them altogether, you may not have set yourself free from the shame of wanting...and asking...


What your closest friend avoids asking for might be completely different and a non-issue for you. Some of my clients find it challenging to ask someone in their immediate group of personal and professional friends (aka, their network) about a career direction or role, or to make an introduction on their behalf that could lead to a new job – crucial information for making a career transition.

Still others struggle to state clearly what they want  from their work, a personal interaction or relationship. Hell, it can be a challenge to decide between pizza or sushi takeout!

What's your hard ask? What would feed you? Is it okay to want it? 


Have a question about how to kickstart your career, job search right now? Wondering how coaching can help you get unstuck? Go ahead, ask me!


Judy Garfinkel helps you clarify what next. She writes top-notch resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, and bios that open the doors for her clients to successfully land jobs they want. Her expertise in building confidence and resilience supports your growth and ability to navigate career and work transitions, especially now! Judy is also the current President of ICF-CT (where she leads a membership of 200+ coaches).

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Move Into Change is the website for Judy Garfinkel, Life & Career Coach, Stamford CT

Southfield Ave., Stamford CT 06902

© 2018 by Judy Garfinkel.